Equanimity


Yes, at first I kept saying I have reached a level of experiencing the inner-peace that’s taking place in the last 2 years, well, almost – as soon as I made my move back to Jakarta, Indonesia – with the intention of selling my villa and move back to Milan, Italy, as soon as I could possibly do. However, that goes against my sense of allowing nature takes its course in that, I shall do my best what requires me to do at that juncture of my life but if it still stumbles, then I would just be patient and move on and do something else that opens up its doors in front of me. Never mind the triviality of it. Never mind the not-so-sexy nature of it, I shall accept and will deliver to the best of my capability.

However, to call one self to have obtained the so called “inner-peace” is actually not 100% accurate when I really come to think of it? The reason being is that; I have worries in my head to fulfil certain commitments such as paying monthly 3 responsibilities that still exist in Italy. That includes paying the 3×3 m2 storage that I rented for the remaining of my personal belongings I wasn’t ready to part with the return to Milan and get a new place still in mind that I might need some of the silly things such as my tupperware collections bought in Saudi Arabia when living there. They are important from the States and Italy doesn’t have the complete set that is easy to the eyes with practical measurements I love. And, my obsession of big cushions that Pietro, my late Italian husband would tease me incessantly every time he is in his contemplation mood in our little apartment in Milan by saying: “In a minute, we’ll just have to move out from this place in order to make space for the cushions”

Worry of paying my domestic staff in Jakarta, Indonesia, with its upkeep and maintenance.

Therefore, I am lucky enough to have an on and off Bed & Breakfast guests from all over the world which activity I love because I love meeting people. Especially international well-travelled people albeit we only exchange pleasantries and stories briefly.

Worry about my food intake where in Milan, I have the luxury of living nearby an Organic mini market whereas here, in Jakarta, they do have supplies in each of the main supermarket but are too expensive for me to afford them regularly.

And thus… I take back the word “inner-peace” in me but a new word that so suits my character and my state of being today… “Equanimity.”

A sense of everything is beautiful if you don’t tie yourself to your mind, emotion and psychological state that mostly runs rampant and not as easy to control and tone them done. Instead, think of it from your existential stance and that’s it.

Your surroundings, your food, the connection with the Cosmos that you are just a speck of dust in the scheme of things, why make it so important by feeling big about yourself and have the ego overpowers you that for every little thing that is not compatible to your likes and dislikes create resentment.

Live life as a bliss every moment of your time given to you and make the best of it.

Stand up when it needs be but create balance and harmony which doesn’t mean you have to be like everybody else’s balance and harmony but within your realm of life of the moment in what that brings.

And hence now… I feel that joy within me, ecstasy if you want to call it that, a supreme sense of gratitude and appreciation of what “IS” and for being.

There’s no need to be riled-up by anything or anyone.

Know your ground.

Know who you are.

Be proud of the person you have created and come to know and that is “you.”

Forewarning: it irritates some people for that quality you own and naturally display. Just take it as their problem and not yours.

Namaste.

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