Elusive You!


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In the heat of summer in the city of Milan a city that perhaps doesn’t really love me or depending on how one’s perspective is, loves me too much that most of the mid-summer month where it seems almost everyone have left the city for their long-awaited summer holiday, it is it again and I left being intimate to each other for its quietness with its less noise and air pollution that I love but left me melancholic every time! Not sure if to laugh or cry.

Isn’t this a rather absurd situation I find myself in? (Not a complaint, just questioning out loud) – that I have this tropical villa in my native country of Indonesia, Jakarta, the capital city where it should be home to me, a beautiful swimming pool, a housekeeper (cook, personal assistant, house maid), a gardener cum a nightwatch man, all systems are working to maintain a beautiful life there, yet, I can not seem to live and stay there in this summer heat but to stay in this city of Milan, which I also love very much, in a cozy old apartment that I’ve known for decades, thanks to my late Italian husband who had brought me here to live and be his wife… Yet, I’m not free to do any of these options in life in a thoroughly manner because both countries have its pluses and minuses that to opt for one, it is at the moment not possible due to a situation that doesn’t allow me to do.

And so, what have I done in the past two years that I no longer have tenant in my villa in Jakarta, where passive income came in handy.  I tried to rent it out again to no avail. Changed plan, I put it on the market to sell, zero result to this day.

I switched on where I could make some bugs just to run these two households in the two different countries and continents, by myself, an ex-home-maker who never worked all  her marriage life except some air-evaporated meagre extra pocket money earned (asper expressed by my late hubby) –  by teaching two friends some English conversational course and now am trying to cope with all the expenses required I found myself in.

Help me, God. I have not found the way out!

But I will not give up! I will continue on searching although not desperately that I will have to forget the force of the nature on which way it is the right way but in a manner that God or the Universe has laid out for me and so, staying calm I can be and that’s that.

I can only continue the best I can in whatever I do in the hope that this embattlement of trying to juggle financially shall pass.  What an eye-opener experience this is but I have to say, without it, there are many things I wouldn’t have come to learn all on my own that has given me that sense of responsibility at last and a degree of maturity within.

For this, I thank my lucky stars always!

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