Being a Widow


It is a role I have never anticipated to being into at this stage of my life but then that is life.  Make plans and God laughs.

All I know is that looking back, I now realised why things happened the way they did.

I married an Italian man – little did I know that not only was he the best “corteggiatore” – the man who courted a woman into his submission of marrying him which I did not object for one second – but what it entailed.

Differences of cultures:

  • No discretion – which I have had to adjust but not joined just to adapt in order to be accepted.
  • Screaming and yelling – again, I refused to pick up that habit except on the volume of my voice now which I can’t help when I speak with the Italians themselves.
  • Listening to cursing, a culture that is well-accepted here in Italy but not in mine and even I speak English and have lived in UK and America, foul words are those I refuse to apply in my vocabulary.
  • Certain ways of what-to-wear on any given day subject to season, weather, venue, occasion, and even the time of day or evening.
  • Living in Milan, the hub of business centres of Italy, things were run on medieval system on some areas – that was when I arrived here – by my husband’s generous and romantic gesture as to go to my country, Indonesia, to accompany himself to his country for his desire to introduce Italy for my very first visit.
  • Life Style that I love including the food rituals for every season and occasion – something that I found myself can’t do without for very long time which I had to confront every time I went away from this country.
  • The decision I made not to assimilate the Italians on aspects I find negative, which resulted me to being perceived as acting as though I am better than them that even my sister-in-law blurted out to me in her moment of anguish when we both just lost the man we love by yelling to me: “Stop being a Princess!! You are no longer a Princess!”

Now that my husband is no longer there, 3 year and 3 months past, I am still licking my wound and this has come to my realisation that it will continue to be there for as long as I live, it will never subside.

However, back to the point I made that things happened the way they did?  Those disgraceful and unpleasant stuff that I had to endure have come full circle! They made me strong to face life now on my own as a widow.  First, it has taught me to understand their mind set.  Second, it has eased me into being one who have adopted into their endearing ways as to be accepted in terms of quirkiness, humour, life style  Third, in enriching me to live in Italy as my home base although I can always return to my country, Indonesia.  I take the best of both worlds and derive such pleasure and gratitude  that I never imagined existed.

Life is beautiful.

If it’s meant to be, it will be.

As always, life has its way to take you where you are destined to go as long as you are open and accepting to the path in the most positive perspective, anticipation and excitement you can muster. Look upon only those and it will take you far.







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